ooohhh…

I’m not a lover of fantasy-type genres, but this is a beaut piece. Very descriptive, and really brings you into the story because of the wonderful tapestry painted.

I want to know what happens after this now…I hope someone sequelises it.

Dug this HEAVILY until the very last line. “Is that so?” and recourse to armaments after the beautiful, elaborate setup seems a little disappointing.

You might as well threaten to drain the lake. We’ve been looking for somewhere to put a new shed for the gardners… =)

Man, I hate out-of-five systems. But, I guesss… a high-four?

Hmm, that’s a good point actually, the last line really doesn’t fit with the rest of the story. Might have to do a little editing.

I do like the idea of draining the lake to make more room for the gardiners though ;)

very lovely, dark piece.

Apparently, I got to your entry after your edit, so I don’t see what the good Reverend is referring to. I thought this piece was fantastic (no pun intended). Your setting is beautiful, and that one word “artificial” is just the key to the piece for me, though you may not have intended it. It makes me think that the serpent is prisoner here.

One minor edit you need to make: “visitor’s” should not have an apostrophe. But that minor quibble won’t reduce my rating.

Also, “artifical” should be “artificial.”

I crave more, I tell you! MORE!

@kaellinn glad you enjoyed it so much. The minor changes have been made.

@Abstract Rorschach I crave more too! But someone else will have to sequel it, as per challenge rules. I might seqel it myself though when the challenge is over :)

This is quite an epic set -up! And I am sure she feels some anger at the loss of her father, so I vote salting the water, though it may kill some of the garden plants, at least no other worms would come and take up residence..

Almost dream-like. Has this rare and wonderful quality where because the description is so rich and textured it can be read on so many levels – the ‘artificial’ lake, the foreboding ‘drooping’ of the weeping willows, all make up an incredibly immersive world.

May I also just say, having returned to Ficly following what must be a 2 month hiatus, it seems like the standard of reviewing is immense! Very detailed and helpfully critical – God it’s good to be back!

Your descriptions are very good. You certainly accomplish a lot of imagery with the characters you have.
I find I am intrigued enough to want more.

aaaw i would have liked to sequel this one. Very well written and full of beautiful textures!

“You’ve been eating visitors again haven’t you?” – classic Fantasy comedic tension-breaking line. Nice set up – although the fallen rainbow… not sure… might be a bit overthetop there, but I ain’t complainin’ – I really like the rebuild of the tension (even though we “know” it can’t be as frightening as it would have been without the tension-breaker)

Nice job on all the sensory detail in the early part. It set the mood and you got a bit more story going along.

Gorm is intense! Damn!

I like the high contrast (yet timeless classic) of lovely garden and evil, giant, killer snake. It has that abrupt dismissal of preconceptions that happens with interesting fantasy. It’s deliberate and just a smidge twisted.

Good work- it fits the challenge really well.

Love, love, love, love it! I am a fantasy person, I must admit, but this just draws you in.

Gorm is bad to the bone. :)
Wonderful imagery in the first 2 paragraphs.

Beautifully written. Can’t wait to read more.

Definitely reading on!