OH NICE.

Clear prose, naturalistic dialog, a situation ripe with tension and atmosphere capped with a little reader deduction. Slightly clichéd elements, but I’d like to see how this develops.

Doffing my hat to you, sir.

Dun, dun, dun! Very nice cliffhanger, just waiting to be sequelled.

As I was reading I could imagine the scene playing out in my head like a movie. And yet this is a nice, simple piece. You’ve managed to create a vivid setting and you made it look so damn easy!

I would doff my hat too but I’m not wearing one so you’ll have to settle for congratulations instead.

i wonder what he’s up to…

ha! though he can’t get far..

This seems to be ready to be made into the opening scene of a movie, some arthouse alternative feature film with a lot of depth and very little Hollywood razzamatazz and hype.

A story about real people in unreal situations…maybe something like Fargo(?), just off the top of my head.

I like the descriptivity (yay, writer’s licence!) and enjoyed seeing it left open-ended.

It is very cinematic, which to me just means very well visualised :) I almost want that last line to linger a little longer:

’motioning to the booth.

Which was now empty’

Just me? Anyhoo, I really enjoyed it, well done :)

Thanks for the comments everyone! I’m very happy to see that you all enjoyed it. I had to eliminate a lot in editing to make it fit within the character limit, so I’m glad the story maintained the impact I was going for.

Very well done. I enjoyed the speech especially; very real!

Reading it again, should this line be like this?
“I about put the car in a ditch three times"
Doesn’t make sense to me but it might just be me missing something.

It’s written as I intended. It’s not perfect grammar, but then most people speak English less than perfectly. :-)

He’s sneaky – even in handcuffs.

Well played.

Ooh, there’s a dark twist, or a dangerous one at least, for our little group in the snowstorm. I like the quick pace to it all, moving the story along.

I jumped in on this installment, and this easily rivals the best prose—and the best cinema—ever created.

That’s some high praise, A.R.! Thank you very much!

Solid setup, ripe for the continuing. I particularly like your use of the radio in the beginning and your entire last paragraph. Classy and creepy all at once.

My only tiz would be a lack of movement, but that’s sort of a function of the media, right? It’s perfect for a continuing story and is a fleshed out, intriguing starting scene.

Woooow. That’s creepy. I can just picture this perfectly. Great job with the imagery and I really liked the dialogue from the radio, if that’s what you’d call it. Very nice.