i know that death by Dust-Off is very random, but I didn’t know what to write, so I asked my brother for an idea, and he said to have someone die from Dust-Off. Why, idk, but I wrote a story about it anyway, as you can tell.

That’s a fairly gruesome and creative way to murder someone.

This actually scared me a little. OK, the paragraphing needs sorting out, but the fast pace really lent to the frenetic, spontaneous nature of the murder.

I like that we start to see the motive of the act, the psychological state of the murderess – perhaps you could follow this through with a prequel/sequel?

But as mentioned briefly, structurally you’re not helping yourself – layout can really assist in creating tension, and that is something that could benefit this story – try breaking it up a bit and even developing the use of italics as you started to in the first line.

I hate this 5-pencil thing. I would put this at a HIGH 3…

Well done though – it’s certainly an original idea!

Thanks, I know it’s an original idea, it was mine after all.

You’d probably need more than two cans. And you do need a hyphen in “witch-like”.

I’m liking this story. Remind me not to cross you…