This was a pretty emotional piece. You captured both the violence and the determination of situation beautifully. I am, however, a bit lost at the meaning of the last line. It doesn’t seem to fit to me.

Check out the challenge the fic was written for… Still, a 4’s decent after a couple of months of literary barreness :D

i think this a great entry, to a challenge I had no ideas for. :) This makes so much sense.

I’m aware of the challenge this was entered for, but I’m afraid I still don’t quite get it. :-/

When is a sin not a sin?

When you’ve found enough self-confidence not to let yourself be provoked?

NEAT. Raw, honest, twisty, brutal, clear and nicely observed.

My only complaint is with the somewhat weak line, “fervently flickering candles”. I get that you’re exposing the flaw in his armor here and that he’s surprised to see it himself, but the description seems a little abstract. Could you take another crack at it?

Solid 5, 91%.

I think Reverend Speed did a pretty good job of summing up that last line – by the end, she is proud, and given her situation is that really sinful?

I get what you mean about that weak line, in hindsight I don’t think metaphor suited this piece, it’s better human and raw… Thanks for all your comments!

Brutality is the new subtlety, kudos! And a legitimate question, is it Sin because it serves not the purpose of the ones above you ?

Incredible. I really like it. You pictured abuse perfectly.

Really brutal sitaution, but at least she comes out of it with her head up and moving on, a difficult cycle to break. Ah, the simplicity of the English language that we only have our one little word for pride. In French you can use either ‘fierte’, which fits this and is a healthy sort of pride, like school pride or just happy with an accomplishment. The sin is referred to as ‘orgeuil’, the ugly,pride that puts others down. Still, a nice little story.