enter two new characters..
its the running that gets me, was he running before the sounds or after? Cuz I pictured him very very tired, not running anywhere unless driven by fear, at which point he hides.. I mean he just pushed a car..
but anyway, way to sequel! And those two new guys are quite ominous.

The use of ampersands here was really distracting for me. I don’t know if you did that to help with the character limit or what, but it would be better to remove some words instead of resorting to symbols. Sometimes writing a Ficly means you have to be ruthless with your editor’s pen. It’s definitely an interesting enough introduction to two new characters, though.

I thought the first part did a good job of maintaining the sense of panic and desperation. Really curious about these two guys, as they don’t seem to be the pursuers, but could they be something worse?

I’m kind of hoping they’re a bit worse than pursuers… perhaps somebody could take that somewhere…?

I’ll second Kaellinn’s comment – ampersands kill the readability of the piece. Ficly hates adverbs and so should you – lose the ‘distinctly’ and ‘definitely’, gain a shedload of ‘ands’ and a cleaner style to boot.

Losing track of your trackers?

Never a nice feeling. You’ve piqued my curiosity, sir. Good sequel.

That’s a good point; I often just use ampersands as character savers. I rather like adverbs myself, but once I got looking the bit over again I decided while it was in first person using adverbs for this particular character didn’t work as well. It’s my own personal preference, but I’m willing to tweak to suit another’s character.

Thanks for the criticism, all, it’s very much appreciated.