It might not work as a standalone story, but as an opening to something it works – although it needs polishing:

Make sure all your grammar’s perfect! Check there are spaces between all words (Theguard), ensure no words are unneccessarily capitalised (“I said Come Here!”) and all sentences should read well – the last sentence is an example of where punctuation would greatly help…

The range of vocabulary and word choice is generally strong, but perhaps change the second use of ‘toxic’ in the first paragraph.

Finally, the actual story is intriguingly and effectively ambiguous – DON’T LET THE TITLE LET YOU DOWN! It’s not very engaging, and gives too much away about the situation of your persona.

I like this, honest, I just think you could have another crack at bits of it to make sure it’s as good as it can be :) MH

Very good. I love the detail in it totally worthy of a 5 out of 5!