Uhm. Okay, I’m guessing you’re new so I wont hesitate to be brutal.

1. whent is went everthing is everything ally is alley layed is laid

2. You have alot more space to describe a lot more. Why is she pointing? Why is she crying? Leaving questions to be answered is fine, but there is a limit.

3. Too little description. The spike was sticking out of where? How’d you know where you ended up if it was in an alley?

Mr Gabriel covered most of it…

Actually for what’s there it’s perfectly readable – but without enough content it’s not going to be the masterpiece you might be able to make it :)

Welcome to Ficly – get a pic! MH :)

P.S: All I’s should be capitalised.