I like your story line but I will give a few pieces of advice,
1. write numbers as words (9-nine)
2.Make sure that all your “I’s” are capitalized.
3. Split it up if you want to.

This is a very interesting take on the challenge and is quite emotional and filled with sibling relationship. I like it,
Thanks for entering,
Abs X

Yeah, I noticed that I made a few mistakes on this. Thank you for the advice.