Wow… This started a bit slowly, but very quickly moved into first gear! In the second sentence you mean ‘lay’ instead of ‘lie’, and perhaps the end of the third sentence could end with ‘any sense of place’ instead of ‘where he lay’ again…

Still, the second paragraph is incredibly strong, well-written and descriptive with a really dirty and dank tone that suits it to a tee.

The last line is fantastic. Only minor change I would suggest would be to replace ‘before’ with ‘as’ – it just flows better. Very, very good, well done! MH :)

Thank you so much for commenting! This was written at three in the morning when I really had no business writing, but it seemed to have turned out okay.

With my first two ficlys, I see to keep writing one-shots when I have no intention to! Need to work on keeping things more open-ended!

Thanks again!

I enjoyed this as well. That last sentence is really powerful.

My only additional suggestion is to replace “empty” with something like “vacant” or “depleted” to avoid using the same root word twice in the same sentence. Nice job!