I love the effect of that last line. I can’t help finding a little hilarity in the entire situation although I suspect it was intended to be more eerie than funny – just me then.

You packed a lot into the one piece – I liked the reality of the speech and the description

Your names are interesting: Miss Onyx? reminds me of an antelope…

I look forward to seeing someone sequel this…
Abby x

I quite enjoyed this story. I get the mental image of a modern day Sherlock Holmes. As I read on, I was a bit worried that there wouldn’t be much story here, but that last line is a great draw that leaves a lot of potential for sequels/prequels.

I don’t really have much to say about it technically. Commas after “Really” and “Oh” is all I can see.

Great set-up, and I love all the possibilities in that last line. Really cool thriller, spy, something vibe. Neat-o keen work.

Oh, this story is so much fun. I love it. I’ve been going through possibilities in my head for the last 15 minutes. Let’s see what I can do…

Oh it’s like James Bond only better (I hate Bond but Rafferty comes across as more appealing).

The last line is great for further sequels and I liked the three paragraph where we get a little insight in Rafferty’s way of thinking. A great entry MH.

I like this muchly, obviously very open to sequelling and what not. The Adventures of Rafferty Pryce, I can see it already ;)
A bit too ostentatious for my taste though but nonetheless 3 pencils! :D

Fantastic. Very good twist- it makes everything else twice as interesting the second time through. There’s something about the descriptions I can’t put my finger on, but this is very well written and accessibly interesting.

Wow, that last line is shocking. I deffinetly did not see it coming. very good job!

ah, well, that was a rumor..though it does put a kink in the works.. I am reading on.

I like this a lot. I think that the ostentatious-ness :P and unneeded details set the atmosphere for what kind of story you meant this to be.
Something doesn’t quite sit right with me about the sentence structure of the second paragraph though.. can’t put my finger on it.. it’s easy to get lost in while reading though :)