I liked this story a lot. Your descriptions of the rain and the protagonist’s exhaustion are excellent. I almost felt as if I had trudged several miles through a torrential downpour after I finished reading it. You also leave some interesting possibilities open for prequels/sequels. Well done!

You descriptions are excellent in this. The combination of present tense and 1st person (my personally favourite angles) make me immediately love this. I love how you’ve split it up it makes it so un-flowing which reflects the bad weather and scary situation.

The end is interesting and very open for continuation. You use many linguistic techniques.

I think I can find no problems with this. I like it a lot =D

I liked this. It flowed well and kept moving right along. I’m interested to see where this one came from.

Love how you set the scene in those first three words, very impactful – lets the reader almost construct a setting in their head layer by layer…

This couldn’t be written in anything other than the gripping 1st person perspective that you’ve got down to a tee – I’m not a fan of 1st person myself because many stories lose description because of it, however you don’t have that problem – richly textured and very tense! Well done… MH :)

I liked the first three lines as well. The set the scene with so few words.

My only complaint is the very last line. For me it was just too telling while the rest of the story maintains an element of vagueness, never giving away too much. That was what hooked me. But the last line just spoiled it. Maybe it’s just me though.

Still a lovely piece and well worth sequelling :)

I love this. The description is great. You blend short descriptors with fluid action packed portions. It’s bare and beautiful.

There are a lot of unknowns, maybe one too many (“she”, the cave, the hike, the disorientation), but it’s intriguing and well worth prequels and sequels.

@kaellinn18-I’m glad you feel the exhaustion. I felt it when I was writing it!

@Abby Wall- Those are my two favorite angles too. :)

@Horrorfan13-That was my goal.

@Mostly Harmless-I wasn’t sure how those first three words would go over, but I’m glad you think it adds to the impact and imagery instead of detracts. First person is what I tend to excel at. Thanks!

@thelostgirl- Again, for what I said to Mostly Harmless. I can see where you’re going with the last line complaint. As I’m re-reading it I almost agree with you. It was just supposed to be a slap-in-the-face ending, but it didn’t turn out as well as I’d hoped. Thanks for drawing my attention to it.

@Wanda McGritty- I’m glad you think it’s so lovely and bare and beautiful. That’s what I was going for. I can see your point on the unknowns there, but I kind of wanted it like that for intriguing factor, as you stated. Maybe if I took one out?

Thank you, everybody, for your great feedback.