This is FANTASTIC. Really, one of my favourite stories in her in a while – with regards to content and structure you’ve aced it.

A couple of tiny points:

1) Repetition of ‘in fact’ in the first/second paragraphs is a bit grating

Other than that, a brilliant introduction to what could be a thrilling series… I may not be able to resist sequelling! MH :)

Thanks for the compliments. Actually this story (and the other one I posted today) were old ones I had done on ficlets long ago. I recently found them and thought I should re-post them.

I agree that this is an excellent story. It is just loaded with potential for future installments. You created a great setting in a very small space that is very immersive.

I disagree with MH, though, about repeating the words “in fact.” I think that if you italicized “he” in the second of those sentences, the repetition helps to really drive the point home in a dramatic fashion. I certainly hope someone continues what you have started.

Thanks. Yes, the repetition of “in fact” was intentional. Glad you caught that.