Very sweeping and dramatic, but I think you over-reached a tad. All of the fantastic names and such get lost in the complicated sentence structure (bordering on run-ons), so that the whole thing winds up very hard to follow. Neat idea, all the same.

Yeah, I agree the sentences are a bit long. I was trying for a certain feel. As for the names, well, well, they’re made up to leave room for creative license.

Thanks for the feedback!