Great

You have a beautiful skill to capture the small detail at the same time as building an effective ‘big picture’ – check the last sentence of the third paragraph, but other than that… A lovely entry, well done! MH :)

Sorry, I didn’t explain, the last sentence of the third paragraph has an unneccessary ‘a’ in it…!

Wow, this is a pretty sweet story. At first, I thought this was going to be an uplifting type story along the lines of Joni Eareckson Tada. That was definitely not the case. Things quickly got a lot more interesting!

Technically, your piece is great. The only fix I see is to remove the “a” between “click as” and “something cold.”

Typo fixed! Thank you for the kind words!

@kaellinn18 I had to look who JET was up, but yeah I guess I went in a non-Joni and Friends direction with this one :-)

no! not the keyring! what?
hmm the mystery is what was stolen, we can guess what happened before, with the hands and menacing guy, but the keys…they hint at something.

My, my, what’s this all about then? Four loose keys? Menacing blokes with guns? Broken hands? Not to mention the cavalier attitude of the main character!

Another great piece that requires a sequel. I think I jumped in too early at the start. This challenge isn’t over until…um, February is it? Anyhow, love the suspense and cliffhanger ended. Nice work.

Dialogue grammar rules obeyed! Thank you, nagi_schwarz!

Interesting, exciting, could be addictive.
I like your speech – it is very genuine and the detail that you add is fantastic.
I might just be talking rubbish (happens a lot) but could there be a link between red and rehab…maybe anger problems, obsession.
Joe definately has issues.

I don’t have any corrections – I like it the way it is…
Good job
Abby x

Hmm, mysterious.