Really a great job here! I think the imagery and diction could not be any better!

how did he know? this needs a prequel.
Welcome to Ficly, if you haven’t been welcomed already.

I’m with Elsha, this definitely needs a prequel. And a sequel! Wonderful descriptions and internal monologue. I see you joined several months ago but only recently started writing. Welcome aboard!

@iLived Thanks.

@ElshaHawk Thanks for the welcome. I like it when authors drop the reader into the middle of the action and explain things as they go along. Not sure where this one goes, though.

@kaellinn18 I used to use Ficlets and had honestly forgotten about Ficly until yesterday when I was in the mood to write some shorts.

whoa, I agree. Prequel!

Very Nice… Very nice indeed

Love the flow and pacing. Beautifully crafted. The story really hangs on that one phrase “I hope this works.” Unlike others who want a prequel, I’m rather looking forward to seeing where this goes from here. :)

Well done…
Agree fully with all comments above. Good use of italics and wonderful spacing.
Flowing, nice imagery, excellent vocab.
Think that’s it – no issues. 5+
PREQUEL!
Abby x