Those first two lines are really good. Really drew me in. It doesn’t quite stay at that level – the reason for her grounding is a little boring… We’re on Mars here, think of the possibilities!

A couple of spelling and grammar things as well… I think you mean ‘clenched’ instead of ‘clinched’, and in the fourth para ‘dragged’ instead of ‘drug’? Also ‘estimates estimated’ feels a little rough… ‘estimates had predocted’ or something along those lines might read better…

A nice premise here, could be REALLY interesting with a polish! MH :)

MH; thanks for the grammar tips, I really appreciate them!

As for further polishing, I’m going to leave things “as is” to better show any progress I make over the coming year (see the bio.) And as for expanding on the possibilities, well, I’ve got a year of ficly-writing to go. Trust me when I say I’m actually writing with future sequels in mind. ;)

I’ve found it difficult in this short-fiction format to develop long story arcs. It seems I always feel like I need to end every ficly with a dramatic DAH DAH DUMMMMMM moment. Makes it hard to build the overall suspense.

That said, this carried on Dkskully’s story nicely. The imagery is still there. The tangible reality of the environment is still there. The general distaste for Mars is there.

The ending felt a bit rushed, though. Seems like we made too big a jump from her helping him to the imprisonment.

Enjoyable!