Its 12:14 AM, New Years Day, January 1st 2010.

I get into bed and slide under all four blankets, in my tank top and shorts pajamas that my mom never understands. Its a new year and I’m kind of excited, for all the usual reasons.

Then I remember 2009.

I remember the pain, and the failure. I remember the rain and the dark and the words and the fights. I remember falling in love, being rejected, heartbroken torn and confused.

Its 2010.

I gasp, and my fingers curl around the white wrought iron swirls of my bed with a death grip. Every emotion that I had in 2009 hits me at the same time, overshadowing them all is Fear. I shut my eyes tight and try to breathe but only succeed in hyperventilating.

Oh my God…

I can’t go through another year. I can’t do it. I can’t!

My whole body starts to shake violently underneath the covers, I start sweating and my other hand clutches my teddy bear desperately. I can’t breathe, the fear, the struggle, the uncertainty, its consuming me.

Its 2010.