Ouch. Like the double meaning in the title, considering Cindy drops this bitchy bombshell and then speeds off… Clever. A few things that could be cleaned up: 1) In the second line I think you mean ’i’m’ not ‘am’, and again in the fourth. 2) In the sixth paragraph, ‘the man’ would make more sense than ‘a man’.. Unless there’s more than one man!? 3) Later in that paragraph ‘feel the man’s wrist’ flows better than ‘feel the wrist of the man’… Feels a bit stiff. 4) Fuck me? No no no – ‘Fuck you!’ Much more anger there surely? So only a couple of things, enjoyed it generally, nice idea… If a bit MTV… MH :)
Ouch. Like the double meaning in the title, considering Cindy drops this bitchy bombshell and then speeds off… Clever.
A few things that could be cleaned up:
1) In the second line I think you mean ’i’m’ not ‘am’, and again in the fourth.
2) In the sixth paragraph, ‘the man’ would make more sense than ‘a man’.. Unless there’s more than one man!?
3) Later in that paragraph ‘feel the man’s wrist’ flows better than ‘feel the wrist of the man’… Feels a bit stiff.
4) Fuck me? No no no – ‘Fuck you!’ Much more anger there surely?
So only a couple of things, enjoyed it generally, nice idea… If a bit MTV… MH :)
unless she really likes Cindy and wants her.. then the comment makes sense. Although she slept with her father, which is a turn off, I’d think.. I had to read it through twice to get that.
oh wait, you changed it
Mostly Harmless 
ElshaHawk (LoA)