I like your parodying of overwrought writing. The first paragraph leaves me cold, however. I think there’s too much telling, not enough showing – and what I’m being told doesn’t add much.
I like your parodying of overwrought writing.
The first paragraph leaves me cold, however. I think there’s too much telling, not enough showing – and what I’m being told doesn’t add much.
Hmm, reading the first paragraph again, I think you are right. Thanks for the criticism. Adjustments have been made.
Funny and clever, with a real humdinger of s central character… I don’t know about the word ‘sides’ in the first paragraph, is there something more visual you could use – stomach, thighs? Enjoyable, well done… MH :)
Funny and clever, with a real humdinger of s central character… I don’t know about the word ‘sides’ in the first paragraph, is there something more visual you could use – stomach, thighs?
Enjoyable, well done… MH :)
Sanglorian 
kaellinn18 
Mostly Harmless