I don’t know why, but the ryming couplets in the first stanza annoy me. In the third (cares/tear and done/sun) the actual content seems more sophisticated so it doesn’t notice, but in the first…
The second stanza is my favourite, a nice, if negative personification of hope – interesting indeed. Another good piece. MH :)
I will admit to disliking that first stanza as well. But I’m trying to stick with what I write at first. Lets me sit back and go “Yeah I need to find different ways to do this.” And the whole idea of this was the negative personification of hope. Because it all depends on your viewpoint, and whether or not you are willing to work hard enough to make that hope worth it.
Well from what you’ve said it, I’d say you pretty much nailed what you were aiming for, but don’t be afraid to go back and edit if you feel you can make something better (i.e. that first stanza) MH :)
Ah but it was what I wanted. As a whole it accomplished what I wanted so I can’t really improve it my eyes. Perhaps at some point I will sit back down with it and completely rewrite it.
Mostly Harmless
In Night's Arms
Mostly Harmless
In Night's Arms
Brebelles {LoA}