Right.

You’re certainly pushing the boundaries out with this – considering your new I am glad you found the option to mark ‘mature’!

The writing is well-balanced, and doesn’t focus entirely on the eroticism, which is good – it seems like you to intend to mix the sexual aspects with some kind of plot. Hopefully because you realise the sexual aspects alone will not make a good story – which is true…

I would recommend breaking this up into clearer paragraphs, but I have to praise your characterisation and dialogue – I have taken rather a dislike to Mark, he’s slimy…

Welcome to Ficly! MH :)

Hope there’s more to this story.

I like the revision. Focuses more on the anticipation and less on the eroticism.

Why do I feel there is an undercurrent of humour below the surface. Eroticism? I could never have too much of that, but I can’t speak for others… but we are breaking off here at a critical moment, well chosen. The level of part 1 has been sustained, so 5 again.