Oh..my…goodness. The way you wrote this reminds me of one of my favorite authors…Stephen King. It set things up perfectly for yourself (or another adventorous writer) to sequel. I will beg off rating, however, in consideration to others who may enter. Great entry!

This really makes me want to know what happens next…

Wow. If I got easialy frightened by reading, then this would’ve made me jump.

Nice build up mystery.

Thanks for feedback guys. Not usually my thing so good to be praised for flexing the ol’ writing muscle… MH :)

This is a good opening for a suspense story. The subtlety of it makes me think that Camberwick knows something that, if he told everyone else, they would not believe him. Something supernatural.

Should “flash car” be “flashy car,” or is that just something I’m not understanding since I’m from across the pond?

Very nice. It made me think somewhat of an old story by Larry Niven, called “For a Foggy Night”.

Brief and an overview, but it works as a sort of retelling of a local legend/myth/fear thing.

This is very suspensful and quite spooky. You’ve done a great job and it really sets the scene for possible continuation.
Abby x

i like the tone you went with here. :)

“Old Barnaby Camberwick didn’t leave the house again until Spring had tenderly passed the world into Summer’s jovial care.”

The choice of words in this section was perfect. It really anchored the whole piece in its style and flowed into my imagination.

Very very nice…

This was far scarier than it had a right to be. It’s just fog! I also love how you give us glimpses of these characters in the community; Dandy Jackson is a good name. It was also very clever using the Chief Elder’s speech, nicely done, going from trying to be reassuring to just barely covered fear. It all just reads so well, though the echoes of my english teachers are shouting ’don’t start a sentence with a ‘but’!’

This was nominated for the ficly book.