I was hoping someone would take the darker side of this story if it was sequeled. Kudos.

William is a bit more emotionally disconnected than I would expect, based on the first story. I would think he’d be more upset than he is here.

Other than that this is really good.

Interesting and unexpected. I wonder with Jane was really expecting to be rescued, or whether there are greater forces at work…

I kind of agree with kaellin about the characterisation, but then clearly you’ve consciously taken it in this direction, and that contrast could make for a well developed character in the future. Indecisive. Fickle, even.

More kudos for starting your life on Ficly with a sequel – that’s the spirit! A very respectable first story. MH :)

I didn’t realize this was your first story on the site. Definitely off to a good start!

‘…never liked her much anyway." Loved that line. I kind of liked the very honest feel to his frustration. I mean, death is sad, but it’s a little harder to care about someone who dies because, basically, they’re a moron.

Thanks for the feedback and encouragement! Much appreciated!