When User's Manuals Go Kindle (random)

“When you’re looking for your tweezers in your fricative separator, it’s best to remember to turn off the automatic shredder in your flotsam disbursement tank. Otherwise you might lose an appendage,” the user’s manual cheerfully droned on.

These new-fangled gifts all had electronic manuals, that everyone shelved. But when something happened, you HAD to go find the thing and scroll through menus, listening to garbage you didn’t need to know.

“The long range time dispensing tube operates on a manual shut off valve that is spring loaded from the red button on the case, see diagram C, appendix 12. Depressing the flaps B and D on the mantle will open the compartment for immediate use. When disconnecting the time dispensing tubes, make sure to shut off the main jammer switch located in the lower right panel on the separator’s core unit, see diagram F, appendix 2.”

All I needed was access to the belt on the stupid Vacuumba 2000. I should have bought a Dyson Maid!

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