Well what a conceited, vain, ignorant little brat you’ve created. What I like is that not only is she a character we love to hate, she’s the one telling the story!

You’re on to something here. The only thing I can spot is an unneccessary ‘the’ in the second sentence. And as with the previous, I vote for clearer, spaced paragraphing.

But still, brava! MH :)

ooh I really want to hate her but she’s a very good character.

The “the” was noticed by me too…and I would also like some paragraphs here.

Well done
Abby x

Hmm. I still am enjoying her bitchy attitude, but I have to comment, on when you said her thoughts. Isn’t she telling the story, so putting her thoughts in italics is rather pointless?