Right. This is certainly an interesting experiment, and so far, it works.

Clearly, although this is poetry, it is still quite linear and plot-driven, as you get more confident with the format it would be interesting to see some more abtsraction and imagery in the poetry installments, just to broaden the depth if nothing else.

The last stanza is my favourite, as your word choices start to feel more, well, poetic, and the impact is much greater…

It’s good to see you tackling something ambitious considering you’re new to the site, but I think there’s a lot of potential here – good work! MH :)

Thanks! I intentionally made the majority of the poem linear and episodic. Kind of like a montage of images. It’s not until the character wakes up and sees the girl on the bed that there is a sense of surrealism to his night out that allows for the more traditionally poetic imagery.