Hmm… Necropolis… Very interesting… Now why would they be living in a city of the dead…. Very thought provoking…

Interesting idea, but you seem to have a few inconsistencies in the story. If destroying a human body makes him sick, then the choice to fight would be much more difficult for him to make. And borrowing his great grandfather’s arms seems a little out of place as well for someone who is sickened by the destruction of the human body.

Also, it would make it much easier to read if you put a blank line between your paragraphs.

Overall I like the idea, but I think the execution just needs a bit more polish.

I substituted the problem sentence, I am going to let it rest for a while to go at it again.

Much better. Still a couple grammar issues that could be addressed, but my main problem was with the conflict and the spacing.

Upped my rating to reflect the changes.

I love reading stuff that I never would have considered writing myself. Originality is the greatest skill!

Now…someone tell Hollywood that!