Wow this is really neat! I love the part where she’s wondering about people’s different perspectives on her – very intriguing.

I would recommend breaking into clearer paragraphs, from a technical point of view, but creatively you’ve nailed this… Lots of unanswered questions, emotion and good writing – an great combination! MH :)

I agree with Ed on the fact that you should break this into clearer paragraphs seeing as it’s pretty hard to read when this is all bunched up, but other than that I’m clicking on the sequel…