Oh wow…poor girl. The last line was perfect.

I think you may have changed from past to present tense, but I don’t know if that was intentional.

Good tense spot someday, I thought there was something funny going on…

But with regards to content this is really very good, lots of possibilities and some interesting context for the character – the white-line walking was a really strong image for me… I see there’s more, so reading on! MH :)

Intense.

I’m looking forward to seeing how this is going…