All…This is the story I want to tell, but I’m not at all happy with the flow after “the foe jolted…”

Suggestions on how to make this better, please?

OK…rewrite…

Feels better, but still looking for input.

Bueler?

I thought this read very well and was a very intriguing continuation. I did not encounter any flow problems as I read through.

Good job on this BEE CEE BEE, it flows a lot better now. I’m still not too sure what put me off from it originally, but I like this better.

You need a comma or period after “engagements” in the first paragraph. Also, in the final paragraph, I’d continue the use of the word “bastard” as the identifier. Would help the reader more closely associate with the protagonist, and feel a similar sense of hatred for the antagonist. Once she considers the enemy more than just target practice, and moves from being cold, calculated, and basically unfeeling, to someone with emotion, we should go with her and think of the enemy as a bastard as well.

Other than that, I think it works well. I don’t see anything that really needs to be changed. The flow works, and there’s a really nice transition in the character here. Not sure what it was like before the re-write, but I think this is excellent.

Though I do kind of see where the flow is stopped a bit by your 4th paragraph, but that’s when the metamorphosis of the protagonist happens. A slight change in tone is appropriate.