dun dun dun.

i just love how you are throwing spanish bits into this! it soocool!

GASP. The prince.

I agree with all above, particularly with regards to the beautiful titbits of Spanish, they add to the atmosphere no end…

You have a great aptitude for flowing prose and intricate description, as seen in the first two paragraphs here – you move the plot in an interesting direction as well – good work! MH :)

the spanish is great!
the prince is a nice twist. I have the feeling this will not be entirely happy, sort of a too good to be true set up. :)

Fun story with a classic feel. Writing feels a bit hasty or sloppy (eg, were for where). Could use some tightening.

“our traje” should be “our trajes” because it is plural. Also, when greeting someone of high rank, you don’t simply say, “Hola,” you would say something like, “Buenas noches, senor” [tilde on the n]. It’s the difference between, “Hi” and “Hello, sir.” You wouldn’t say, “Hi!” to a king, now would you?

Actually I would say that, but since Gabriél doesn’t know he’s a Prince and think he’s a commoner he would said hi.