On the whole, this is in equal measures hilarious (Mick Jagger’s eyebrows!), mysterious (the lost family), and sad (general sense of foreboding throughout)…
However, I felt like you sold yourself short with the ending… You can’t hold death after all. Perhaps:
‘The now-completed bucket list was still held tightly in my hand, the last checkpoint finally achieved, but destined to never be ticked off.’
And end it there.
Just a suggestion, it’s up to you, but I think it needs to have more impact, and be a little more ambiguous – MH:)
to die by leaping off a building. i think killing off the family was rather harsh. But it does kind of force suicide on a person to evade the police… ah, you never said you killed them, you could have outlived them.. but well.. why die? why not drift off to anonymity on a remote island? just you and your coconuts..
Mostly Harmless
Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))
Mr.Gabriel
Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA))
Catherine
ElshaHawk (LoA)
Marli