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Upon the discovery of Charles, the rat with the ability of speech, we have come to several conclusions about the Earth. (Note: The following were discovered through Rat-Testimony)

1. There is a giant hamster-wheel gyroscope in the middle of the Earth. Approximately 10,000 rats circle the track at any given moment. This movement coupled with inertia is responsible for the axis rotation of the Earth.

2. The bodies of world leaders and celebrities are robot hosts containing rat engineers. These rats decide what is best for the human race. (Ex. Obama, Adam Sandler, etc.) This system is easy to maintain because new celebrity rats are reinforced by preexisting rat fame.

3. We are to give the rats control of all our natural resources, or else they will leave in their spaceships to their home planet, and we will surely die.

OFFICIAL DOCUMENT OF A BORED HAVARD LAW STUDENT