I really like the start of this story. It rings very true (my sister and brother -in-law are in a band). I would like to read more.

Thanks! I’m glad you like it. I definitely intend to keep this story going!

A good launchpad you have here with lots of opportunity – a decent central character, though a word of advice not to let him go down the sterotypical ‘down-on-his-luck musician type’… Shake things up a bit!

Still, I enjoyed it – reading on… MH :)

Thanks for the advice! He will have tough times, but there will also be some really good ones! Don’t worry!

Aw, I always wanted to learn to play the guitar.

This is neat, I shall read on…

This was a good launch pad, but I want to suggest a few things:

A. When he said his back was killing me, there should be a comma after the last word in the quotation marks.

B. I think it’d be better if he thought what he said, cause he comes off like a creep talking to himself, you know?

Maybe that’s just me, but it’s just a suggestion.

C. “He could see his dream dying before him. All he ever wanted to do was play in a rock n’ roll band.” Could be changed to one sentence.

“He could see his dream dying before him, all he ever wanted to do was play in a rock n’ roll band.” It’d flow better and you do use a lot of unnecessary periods.

You could also reword:

“He had to get a day job working in an apartment complex, doing maintenence. Vince hated it.” So that you don’t have “Vince hated it.” In it’s own sentence. And you spelled maintenance wrong.

Again, these are all suggestions.

Also, you’re missing a comma after the quote:

“I can’t keep playing these bars and little clubs[,]”