Well done. It’s a little rough around the edges, but your use of imagery is very good, and you use a lot of effective sensory description. The meter on your closing sentence is intriguing, and it has the effect of making the whole thing seem like a riddle. 4/5, and I think you can do better.

Somehow I find this more moving than what I remember, it’s a bit of a challenge to the reader too, involves him and lays down requirement.