Wow, this was amazing. The descriptions were so vivid and I felt like I was in the apartment.

You left us in mystery of what is in the medical results. AIDs? HIV? Pregnancy?

Fantastic! But what is in the envelope?! I hate cliffhangers!

Fantastic! This thing oozes style like Play-Doh through the stubby fingers of a toddler. I love the metaphor “a bread-crumb trail of intense desire.”

My only critique is that the final clause in the first paragraph should be preceded by a semi-colon rather than a comma.

I’m also curious as to what’s in the envelope. And was your intention that these two lovers are now deceased, as that’s the image I get, but I’m a deeply troubled young (or old depending on your relative age) man.

I really wanted to take an ambiguous approach with this and see how it panned out – the state of the lovers, as well as the contents of the envelope, are kind of decided in my head, but not enough that I wanted to make anything explicit.

I don’t want to be all arty and annoying, but, honestly, think of it what you will – MH :)

P.S – I’m 16 :)

I can picture their night, and so bittersweet with the medical results unopened.. ahh, just a beautiful and sweet and sad piece.

In the bedroom, dim fingers of light desperately try to find a way through the closed curtains – best line ever!

The imagery in this piece was intense, I felt like I was right there the whole time. I’m curious as to what was in the envelope, but at least for me, I actually prefer imagining =]

Sad and sweet at the same time…made me think about a lot.

This is well written, per usual, and I really enjoyed it. Everyone has already pointed out the best parts. My only critique is that this is a little too ambiguous. You don’t have to tell us what the actual results are, but saying what the test is for would lend tremendous context to the story.

For instance, if the results are from an AIDS test, suddenly we see the sheer amount of love the two have for each other. If it’s a test for something more immediately fatal, this becomes more of a “let’s just enjoy this time together in case it’s out last” type of story.

In my opinion this piece would move from great to exceptional with just slightly more context.

I love ambiguous stories. It allows you to imagine what the envelope could contain.
How can you “tenderly rip” something?
If this is some sort of STD thing then either they really love each other or someone is lying, which is always intriguing, and secrets are fun.
Yayy! Awesome!

I disagree with kaelinn. I think the ambiguity worked well. I mean, I wouldn’t makea book like that, but for a short piece it makes for one that doesn’t so much tell a story as set one up and let the reader’s mind go with it. Artfully and stylishly done. My only critique would be word choice, that you have them tenderly removing clothes but also passionately. I suppose it could be both, but there is a feel of inconsistency to that description.

Brilliant. I think that some of the commas are unnecessary but it does make it flow. YOU MAKE ME JEALOUS!!!! lol this was awesome!!

This was so good and it left me dying to read more. I’m one of those people who are to curious for their own good. I think it’s better that these two don’t know what’s in the envelope though. Like the title says sometimes ignorance is bliss. You ended this very well. As was said before awesome, wonderful, amazing, brilliant!

Gorgeous! This piece is absolutely dripping with style. Every time I start to think that 1,024 characters isn’t enough to do anything substantial, a piece like this comes along and reminds me that a lot can be accomplished in a relatively small space.

Suicide out of fear for what is contained in the envelope? They choose to be “locked in eternal embrace”? Interesting story.

Wow, this is fantastic! I love how you can make a series of descriptions as suspenseful and involving as a fight scene! I just want to know what’s in the envelope…

Furthermore, I enjoy the similarities between our usernames. Mostly Harmless. Music-Hearted. We should start an MH club.

Word sympathy and illusion use makes this a great piece from a magician with words

To give all bedamned the results figurative and literal, I love the duality.

I really just liked the way this sounds. You know your way around words :)

very good, I like the ambiguity, and you paint a very vivid picture. well done

At first I felt the same as kaelinn, but after reading it a second time I feel that the ambiguity works Because this is a short piece.
Your story tells just enough to make a skeleton of a picture, and our minds fill in the rest around the key details you give us (early morning traffic and a pair of abandoned coffee cups). We think the house is deserted until you point our imaginative eye at the bread-crumb trail of clothes, and then drag our inquisitive minds to the bedroom where you Again give the skeleton of your plot twist; only this time you lead us Nowhere. Some readers will sit, wide-eyed and lost, and others will inquisitively wander around for themselves, without you.
Since this is a short piece, you want people thinking about it long after they’ve read it: the vagueness allows them to do so with endless possibilities.
With that said, I don’t see how the last line correlates with either the title or the beginning of the story, so it seems to lose out on all the impact it could’ve had.
Good job :)

(I like your sentence structure in this very much :P)

This is quite good. It’s self-contained without being self-conscious; I didn’t get the impression that you had to make cuts in order to fit it.

In paragraph four, you personify the “fingers” of light with “desperately” and “caress”; that seems a little awkward. Stilted, shifting gears just a little too fast. That said, “faint smiles lingering on pale faces,” is an outstanding sentence.

Finally, your closing sentence ends on a word with two naturally unstressed syllables. This leaves the reader with a sense that they’re missing something, with half a breath left and nothing to spend it on. If this is your intent, good show. Otherwise I recommend you repeat “faint smiles lingering on pale faces”. It’s strong enough to handle the repetition.

This has been nominated for the ficly book.

How exciting!
Thankyou to Edcrab for the nomination…
MH :)