so wait, what? charlie was moving IN, he gets killed, the parents lie, and then charlie’s parents MOVE?

No, the parents of the kids lie about them moving. Charlie and his parents were moving back, but died. So technically they did move… on to Heaven, or Hell.

they ALL died? oh. ouch. you like to kill off your characters, don’t you ;)

It’s a guilty pleasure of mine. Muahaha.

A bit of jumping from past tense to present tense, which is always a huge pet peeve of mine, but you do create a tortured situation with the very emotionally charged issue of Charlie left under false pretenses for the kids.

Easily the best so far, good use of dramatic irony in that the reader knows what really happened to Charlie, which makes the whole argument about him ‘ditching’ them even more sad…

Switching between tenses does irk me a little, so keep an eye on that, but this story is improving with every sequel. Good stuff – MH :)

I like this.
But being a grammar/spelling freak…
In the first sentence, it should be “allowed” not “aloud.”
Allowed = has permission.
Aloud = out loud (speaking)
Sorry, I’m just weird like that =]