Mrs. Travis lurches forward. “Hey, what are you gonna do about them?”

Officer Greenlee holds up a doughnut. “You should try one of these chocolate eclairs with the candy sprinkles, Mrs. Travis.”

“But they’re standing right there on the porch! The doughnuts are a diversion.”

“Ma’am, please! I am eating.”

“I see that, you fat pig! Put down that doughnut and do something!”

“I need you to remain calm and let me handle this!”

“Shoot them before they kill us all!”

“Put your hands behind your head! Now!”

Several cops surround her, their tasers pointed at her plump behind.

“It’s me you’ve sworn to protect! Me, damn you!” She swats the doughnut from the cop’s hand and it lands on his boots in a gooey heap.

Two cops pin her to the ground in a flurry of hair curlers, slippers, and Noxzema facial cream. “I’m a tax payer!”

Mrs. Travis is cuffed and escorted to the nearest squad car, while Officer Greenlee picks up the doughnut. He points at her and says, “You’ll be facing some serious charges for this.”