“Let’s go.”, Ted ordered through the door.

There shouldn’t be a comma after the quotations.

Other than that, I’ll be awating part two.

This started off really interestingly, and I am slightly disappointed that you didn’t even begin to resolve the meaningful bookmark stuff, but I expect you’ll move back to that in the sequel…

Anyhoo, despite being a story of two halves, both halves worked! Nice sense of dark comedy earlier, you give the reader an almost naughty insight to this guy’s utter misery!

Well done, reading on… MH :)

Great…and I haven’t read the sequel yet, but I’m gunna be a neat freak. I love how you arranged your verbs.

The entire first part of your story is perfect in present tense as well as the line about cabin fever and nerves because you are stating them as laws.

And kudos for switching into past after that, it really works, but you missed…Enter*ed* …and minor sub note ‘in to a book’ should be into a book

Interesting set up, but like MH, I was expecting some payoff on the bookmark here.

Personally, I like to use receipts and used gift cards as my bookmarks.