From the title I thought this was going to be a comedic thing, but as soon as you launch into the second paragraph, you’re away!

Really, very good work – OK it’s borderline melodrama, but I don’t think it’s too cheesy. I think you mean ‘where’ instead of ‘were’ in your second paragraph, and your final ‘its’ needs a possessive apostrophe.

Other than that, technically sound, and creatively interesting. Lots of unanswered questions, but still felt like a rounded piece of storytelling – good work, MH :)

I agree with Ed. I originally expected a certain degree of humour in this one. Very sweet but incredibly sad.

I don’t think it’s cheesy at all because it’s declining all of the classic activities, not suggesting them!

I love your spacing, the shortness of your last line and the great use of repetition a couple up. Gets a high four from my mate.
Nice one,
Abby x

very sweet, it made me smile sympathetically. I’m giving you 5 because it touches me.