…so, when the zombie apocalypse came, where was I? I could have been just about anywhere. I travel for a living. I am in sales, and I am on the road or in the air about 300 days a year.

When this all started, I was in a hotel room, fat, dumb, and happy over the signing of a new deal. I was watching the live finale of “The Celebrity Apprentice” when the rotting bastards overran the studio.

I have to admit, I thought it was a gag at first, when Trump lost it and threw Joan and Melissa at the advancing horde. I even thought it was a joke when the first one got its paws on old Donny. I actually thought he was over-playing the freak out he was apparently having…who knew?

I can still hear him screaming “YOU’RE FIRED! YOU’RE FIRED! YOU’RE FIRED!” as the creature grabbed him by his infamous comb-over, and slowly bit into his skull…