Now you see the content here is interesting – an original take on the vampire genre as far as I can see, a first person account of dealing with, effectively, vampiric infancy!
I’m keen to see this with clearer paragraphing, as per the first installment, and perhaps you could have a look at some run-on sentences where you’ve used commas in place of words which would make it more fluid.
You seem to have a clearer idea of where you’re going now though, so well done on asserting that – MH :)
Mostly Harmless