An Open Letter to Everyone

I don’t like green beans.

I don’t like the way they smell and I don’t like the way they taste.
I don’t like them steamed, roasted, braised or boiled.
No, they don’t taste better fresh from the garden.
Yes, I have tried them raw, still yucky.
Canned beans don’t taste any better than frozen.
Your mother’s special recipe for green bean casserole is sure to wow me? Doubtful.
And please do not try to fool me by calling them haricot vert.
I do like yellow beans, wax beans, kidney beans, black beans and pinto beans.
It is just the green ones I avoid.
Avoiding green beans should be easy enough right? Just don’t eat them. Well, it turns out it is not as easy as you might think.
Because of you!
Because you insist I try just one.
If I would only try them cooked with garlic or almonds or butter.
If I don’t eat them I’ll contract scurvy or rickets or burn in the eternal fires of Hell.
You just won’t leave it alone.
I eat plenty of other vegetables.
I just don’t like green beans.

….or cooked carrots.

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