I’m impressed…good work.
Abby x

While style should always be left to the individual writer, I believe this could have been written much better without the gutter language.

The premise is brilliant – a “Twilight Zone” reiteration of “Lost” in real life.

I do get a sense of anger, frustration and rage against fate, but the expletives are distracting to me, rather than being the punchwords of emotions they were intended to be.

That this author is bright is indisputable. That he is skilled is called into question by his choice of words.

This ficly could have been better.

Woah, 1 out of 5 is a tad harsh, don’t you think???
I actually really like the style although considering the personality of the narrator, I don’t think FML is an appropriate phrase.
And numbers should be one, two, etc. instead of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. It just makes it more bearable to read.

“1 out of 5 is a tad harsh…”

I believe that the author in question is capable of vastly better work.

That is the basis on which this work was rated – the fact that it could have been better.

I agree about the numbers.

I am, however, unfimiliar as to what “FML” means.

PJ’s “Three” trumps my “One” so it would seem that my opinion of the work might be subjective, “just a tad.”

Hmm.. I agree that in this case the profanity is a distraction rather than a tool to create character or mood.

Hmm.. I agree that in this case the profanity is a distraction rather than a tool to create character or mood.I like the premise, someone not quite ready to accept the reality of his situation.

I really liked the story, i disagree with the previous comments regarding swearing. I think it shows who the character is and sets the tone of the story.
Well done
by the way what does FML mean?

I really liked the story, i disagree with the previous comments regarding swearing. I think it shows who the character is and sets the tone of the story.
Well done
by the way what does FML mean?

As a fan of Lost, I enjoyed this story. As for profanity, it’s not everyone’s thing. If that’s who the character is, that’s fine, and since this is told from the protagonist’s perspective I have no problem with it.

FML = Fuck my life, as made well known by fmylife.com where people write about bad things that have happened to them.

I’m a big fan of fucking profanity. Some of the most brilliant motherfucking writers I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading the works of cuss like cracked out sailors waist deep in steaming rivers of shit. In an effort to free ourselves of silly ass puritanical ideas of obscenity, I give this five pencils and say “Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.”

I enjoy the transition from the first line to the last. And, trust me, if I was in that situation, the words running through my head would probably be a lot worse!

I disagree with the negative comments on the profanity (although I do not approve of swearing in real life), it helps bring out the character nicely. I do think however that instead of FML, the character would just use the phrase instead of the abbreviation. That’s just my take though. The only thing lacking here is the title, which could be much better.

I have to agree with making the numbers (1, 2, 3) into (one, two, three) just to keep everyone same. And actually saying Fuck my life would make it more, I don’t know, dramatic for those who don’t understand that acronym.

Yeah, just gotta free up some extra characters.