The Starship Commando

Approaching epic groove said the robotic voice behind the computer’s monitor. Danny was scared, he had never flown a starship this big before. He took special care with his handling. Especially after the accident.

People would always ask him what had happened, why his hair was always so perfectly fluffed. He could only respond in one way: Sentient Hairspray.

Danny was lost in the sea of space, making sure each maneuver counted.
“Gad DAMN Danny,” said his captain, “You have to try these pickling yurts. They are amazing!”
Danny jumped.

Caaptaaaiin,” he said, his voice whiny as usual, “captain, don’t scaaaree me, captaaaaiiin.”
“Weel Groomed Ninjas! You are just… so…. annoying!” came his response.

Some would say they were anything but mature.
Approaching Eastern Gnome Institute" said the computer in her cold voice.
Danny turned. He would never ever go back there.

Suddenly, a crash.
Danny Fell.

The next day, he awoke.
“Danny, hand me that shovel…. this is gonna get ugly.”

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