This has some potential, but I think you need to do a little work to make it great. The biggest thing is that you start with the murder of the mother, but then you start talking about the house and life there, which reduces any tension you had created.

I would recommend doing it in the reverse order. Talk about life with the mom, how she was a hoarder, how the sons all hated her, and then make the reveal that she’s been murdered. Doing it this way, you will slowly build up the tension and leave the reader wanting to know more.

I have to agree with Kaellinn. You could’ve reversed it and told it the opposite way to cause more tension.

And Why would it? First, you shouldn’t start a sentence with “and” secondly, the “Why” didn’t need to be capitalized.

Thank you for the advice. I’m really at a loss for how I’m supposed to write this. In my Creative Writing class, we are supposed to write a murder mystery. I have no idea how to write this hahah. So thank you to anyone who can give me some pointers.

just cut out the foreshadowing “little did she know..” line. :) save that for the surprise, the action, the murder.