The beginning almost read like a poem. If it’s internal dialog, it would have come across more clearly if it were italicized.

Other than that, I enjoyed the story.

Thanks – I was thinking that too. But the rebel in me yelled “No! Don’t italicize! Fight the MAN!”

But I fixed it (and conformed). :)

Fun bit of a twist there at the end. With all the running it gives the impression of youth, but the ending makes it pretty clear. Amusing but also a little sad/tragic.

Nicely done. I agree with the above comment that the twist is done well. A small nit I have is the phrase, “my wheelchair.” My suggests ownership and familarity, but mostly frequency. So I had a little bit of a disconnect with the running bits at the end. Changing “my” to “a” wheelchair would give a more ambiguous feel to the nurse’s retrieval method.

So in conclusion, so well written I had to bs my way through a single word choice to even have a crit.

good job

@BA Boucher – thanks for the suggestion. After re-reading, I see what you mean – I fixed it. Thanks!

I really like it. It’s poetry, but not, while remaining intense and focused.
I like the character and her defiance, but empathize with the antagonist as well. Great writing.