Alright…I’ve only got a few minutes before the next, um, event, so I’m going make this quick.

You’re listening to this, I’m assuming, because you’re interested in my work. That’s good. In fact, there is soon to be an opening in my field, one which I currently occupy. More on that later. For now, I’ve got to tell you what you badly need to know.

I’m also going to assume that you’ve built your own machine. Hell, every quack has, since the schematics leaked. But you’ve got to realize that you don’t just need a time machine, you also need your contraption to be a space machine. Just ask any one of the hackers that tried to go, even just a month, into the future. They’re in the dead of space now. The earth, the solar system, they’re moving. Account for it.

Finally, because I think I’ve only got a few seconds left: don’t worry about screwing history. You can’t do it. It’s fixed. Everything that’s ever been done, has been done.

Or did you really think that you were the first person to try to kill Hitler?