Hope you have fun! Good Hello there piece to make your start on ficly. The only thing I think that limits this is the rhyming. Not all poetry needs to rhyme, and I think you’ve set up a very basic rhyme scheme that takes away from your story
But anywho..have fun, and I think you’re a great addition to FiclyLand
Gradual Uprising {LoA} 
Mr.Gabriel 
Mary 
Brebelles {LoA}