Ooh, creepy. Sequel please?

Prequel!

Creepy. I’m curious to see what happened.

That last line is very powerful. Kind of contradicts the “suicide” verdict.

Must have…MOAR!

ewww! what happens next?

aah, mysterious. it certainly begs for either a prequel or sequel. You have piqued my curiosity bone.

Only thing was that I got a little lost in the three-way dialogue. I think perhaps that you could have used two characters to the same effect.

yeah i worried about the tri-logue too.

You have embedded a gem into my favourite genre, Elsha. If you intend to prequel, leave it until you’ve concluded the investigation, then prequel with the reconstruction.

this story is open for sequeling by anyone. :) Just a note: I think Det. Dean is intimidated by Coroner Cherie and maybe even likes her because of her powerful confidence.

PWow, this is absolutely intriguining. I cannot wait 4 a sequel – I’ll be thinking!
Love this a lot, a lot.
Cleverly written.
Abby x

love it! I’m so glad u wrote something new…ur always there when i need a good read

I don’t get it. It seems very disjointed to me. The guy on scene assumes she was a druggie trying to fly? But her hands were bound and she was malnourished? Surely that’s a sign that she wasn’t a druggie trying to fly, no?
I could be wrong (and please correct me if I am) but it seems like this is inconsistent because it was written on the fly. But when writing a crime scene, you really have to plan it out if it’s going to make sense.

no, you are right, upon finding the body, the police didn’t want to go up the fire escape, maybe there was an ongoing investigation or maybe they were lazy. They correctly guessed it was a she, but Dean was too distracted to pay any attention to details. They guessed she fell onto the fire escape, since the ladder was up, and died, somehow. But upon viewing the body, the Coroner discovers her hands were tied. I pictured her laying on her side in a fetal position, but had no room to elaborate. I could definitely work on this to make it more clear. :) Thanks for the great advice, and I’m sure a sequel would help clear things up.

Yikes! This is chilling and mysterious, I would love to read more.

It’s open to sequelling? My Wifty sense is tingling.

I couldn’t help myself… I sequeled.
Great dialog here Elsh!!! Loved it.

Great beginning!

Dean’s a little unobservant, isn’t he? :) Nice suspense-builder!

Really nicely done. All the characters seem to come alive…with the obvious exception of the dead girl of course. I mean, that’s obvious…she’s dead.

@raymond i would think that since she is malnourished she would be most definately a drug user. I mean you dont see alot of big fat crack heads.

Good story elsha i like the way you are leaning towards the gritty side on this